you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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