He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
