omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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