God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
