I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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