She just used a chaser for red wine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
