i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
