I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
