Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
