We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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