you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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