either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
