The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
