In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
