im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
