Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
