i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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