you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
