ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
