This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
