My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.