Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.