I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.