don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say