A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons