Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
