Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
