My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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