I need help removing her.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
