We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
