can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
