nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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