Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
