Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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