how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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