Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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