The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I CAN MOONWALK!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
