what day is it and did you see me today?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
