I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
