You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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