Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
