I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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