It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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