he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
