I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
