Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
