i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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