I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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