Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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