The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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