my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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