god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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