You're completely useless in the revolution.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
