man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
