i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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