So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
