Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize