Are we in a gay sports bar?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
