You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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