I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize