You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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