he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
