there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i believe in u and ur pee
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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