I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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