Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
