she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
