Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
