You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Buhtt sex?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
