Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
