His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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