i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
