I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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