its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
