2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
