i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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