if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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