Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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